So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
