The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
