She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
