Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
