FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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