Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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