Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
