Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
