Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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