do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
