pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
