White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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