Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
