why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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