Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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