I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
