Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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