Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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