I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
