covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
