A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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