hell yes lets make some ravioli
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
