i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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