PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
