Moan for me like Helen Keller
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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