she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
third nipple confirmed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
