With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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