The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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