im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
