My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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