is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
