I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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