He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
