3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
