Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
