omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
