You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
