How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
