my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
