i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
