Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
