id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
