I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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