I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
