Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
