Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
