This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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