i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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