You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
