You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
